Dumb Dog

Barefoot in the dark because of the dog. Winner of the "Daily Flash Fiction Challenge"

Ouch, ouch, ouch. I'm going to kill that dog. When I get my hands on that barking rat, I'm going to kill him. I'm going to marinate him, then I’m going to stick him on the spit. Yeeouch! Why didn't I slip my shoes on before chasing the dog? I somehow managed to grab the flashlight. I guess I can beat the dog with it when I catch him.

Oh great. Now I'm in deep doodoo. I just fell headfirst into the swimming pool. Actually, it's what will be the swimming pool. Right now it's a hole in the ground. Where's the flashlight? Wonderful, my ankle is toast. So is the dog when I get my fingers around his throat.

Speak of the devil, here is the hound from hell now and what's that in his mouth? Dogs are disgusting. They will wrap their lips around anything. The more revolting, the better he likes it. Don't just look at me. Make like Lassie and go get some help. Nope. Not my dog. He's just going to stand there on the edge of this hole with what looks like a bird's nest in his mouth and look like what he is: a dumb dog.

It is cold out, my feet are cold, my ankle hurts and hello, what's this? Why is my cell phone in my pocket and not in the house on the charger? Ok, one time I can say my absentmindedness is useful.

I dial my other half and pray he's not in the middle of something noisy at the studio. Meanwhile, my dumb dog has put down his prize and looks at me with that stupid, happy expression.

"Hello, honey? I'm in a hole."